Illustration by Marjainez

I've always been a crier.

Non like a crybaby, exactly, but…from the time I was a little kid to right now when I am supposed to be an developed doing adult things like going to piece of work and being responsible and having my shit together…I don't hold in my feelings—I still cry whenever I'1000 lamentable. I weep when I'thousand really really happy. Or when something is super beautiful and there's zero left to say.

I'one thousand an easy crier. My god, the lion reunion video alone was an entire travel pack of tissues.

I cry when I'k angry and fighting with someone and can't think of exactly what to say to make them see how wrong they are. And then I become furious at myself for crying, and so I cry harder.

And it's OOOOOOOK I only accept a lot of feelings. And information technology's fine to weep! Permit it out! There's nil wrong with crying.

Merely…sometimes you need it to exist a hole-and-corner that you were just bawling. Sometimes you demand to make information technology look like you totally were not just crying. Um, Right Away.

Guuurl lemme become you a Kleenex. Hither we get.

Pre-Weep

Uh-oh. You're getting teary? Yous think you lot're gonna cry?

The nigh important thing at this point is to but let it happen.

Don't fight crying—this makes it worse. When y'all effort to hold it in you stop upwardly making weird gasping noises and your confront turns red and everyone in the nearby vicinity is alerted to the fact that something's up with you lot.

You're going to cry.

Walk calmly (don't run—it'll give you away) to a bathroom. Immediately. I cannot stress this enough. Get thee to a solitary bathroom. Lock yourself in a stall.

While Crying

This part is like shooting fish in a barrel. Just start sobbing! It's OK! Let the tears flow! No i tin see yous! Put your feet up on the toilet seat if you're concerned someone volition come up looking for you.

There'south only 1 thing to keep in mind while crying, though, and that'south:

Call up TO BREATHE. This is the #1 central to your afterward-weep recovery. In society to forestall extreme facial redness and splotchiness later, breathe evenly through your oral cavity (your nose will be too stuffed up) equally you lot cry. Holding your breath and letting it out in piddling shuddery gasps and hiccups is what makes your confront that telltale I-was-crying red color.

Immediately Afterward Crying

Accept a few really deep breaths. Steady… steady…

Accident your nose lavishly. Do it again.

Check for other people if y'all're in a public bathroom.

One time the declension is clear, c'monday out.

If yous're wearing eye makeup (or were wearing it), fold a piece of toilet paper in half and dab daintily (DON'T WIPE) underneath your eyes.

Now, in movies, this is where the main character splashes common cold h2o on his or her face. That's fine if y'all're not wearing makeup, just hello? Those of us wearing makeup tin can't be splashing water all over ourselves. Hither's what you practice:

Run cold water, stick your fingers under the tap, and and so gently pat common cold water underneath your eyes, where it'southward all puffy. This cools you lot downward and constricts the claret vessels under your eyes that are causing tattletale swelling. Splash some cold water on your wrists, too. It helps, I don't know why.

OK, your olfactory organ is reddish and shiny, I know. DON'T POWDER IT. I know y'all desire to, just really don't. It will look and then much worse, you won't even believe how much worse—similar y'all're trying to cover something up and it'due south not working at all. If you powder it, you will have a red powdered cue-ball nose. Merely get out it—it'll get away in a minute.

A few more deep breaths, and now it's time to leave the bathroom.

You lot even so might look blotchy. Much, much better, but still a li'l…weep-y, right?

Hither Are Your Two Final Weapons

1. Flip your pilus over your caput and rumple it up, like you're trying to add volume. Then flip it back and fluff it out. I learned this fob from my expert stealth-crying friend Alison, who says: "This will make you look similar you lot are but flushed because you are so windblown and carefreeeee."

ii. Juuuust equally you're nearly to walk back into a room with people in it, practise like my sneaky friend Jen does and pretend to sneeze, loudly. That way no one will think, Oh, she'south crying—they'll recollect, She just had a sneeze attack, that's why her eyes are watering and her olfactory organ is so red.

And finally, if you're me? Visine in the purse and waterproof mascara on the lashes. Every day.

Yous just never know. ♦